These past few week I’ve been looking back on 2017 and trying to figure out what my biggest accomplishment was for the year and what I looked forward to in 2018.
I think the biggest step for me in 2017 was realizing that the darkest part of my depression was only growing and I had been fighting it so hard for almost 3 years and over time I felt helpless and every time I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel I just ended up getting sucked back in.
Basically, 2017 was one of the hardest of my 27 years. A year that I hope to never revisit. A years who’s demons will stay with me… but demons that I have been fighting very hard. When it comes down to it I was lost. I was soooo lost you guys but more importantly I was sad down to my core and I didn’t know how to make things better. So I decided that enough was enough and it was time to get to therapy and talk out everything I have been keeping in the past 27 years.
For almost two months now I have been going to therapy two times a week and honestly I wish I had started sooner because I can already tell drastic changes in my well being. Obviously, I am still suffering from depression and anxiety but getting to sit with someone two hours a week and talk through the pain has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Little (very little) by little I am starting to feel like I am moving in a more positive direction but I know this upcoming year will be a challenge but it’s a challenge I am more than willing to take on. With all the changes I’ve been making in my life lately I started to wonder how I could make 2018 better and easier on my mental health and well being!
All of this led me to decide that I want to live every day with intention. I want to wake up and accomplish a healthier and better lifestyle one day at a time. One thing that I am learning in therapy is that nothing happens overnight and you have to continues to take small steps in the right direction… and that sometimes you will falter and fail. I want to give myself a break on those days that I don’t live up to my own expectations and I want to learn to be kinder to myself. Which leads me to my new topic…
Aside from living each day with intention and maybe, more importantly, I want to learn to love myself. I think self-love is probably the most important aspect of anyone’s life and to be honest I am just lacking in that department.
Recently my therapist told me that she wants me to start a new self love practice by saying “I feel _____ and that’s okay and I’m learning how to take care of myself.” You guys when she said those 15 words to me I broke out in tears. No lie. I told her that this little mantra was going to be very VERY hard and uncomfortable for me. But I’ve decided to wake up every day this year and have an honest talk with myself about where I am and how I truly feel. I’m going to wake up each morning and say one kind thing to myself before I even get out of bed and hopefully that will help lead me in the right direction and lead to a year of self-love in the year ahead.
I have a long road ahead of me in 2018 and I just want you all to know I am excited to have you on this journey with me. 2018 is a whole new year and it’s time to give ourselves some more compassion. Are you ready to join me for this year of intention and self-love?