Future Expat: Telling Our Families Part 1

Future Expat: Telling Our Families Part 1
As some of you may know, for the last few years, Edward and I have been talking about moving abroad. But now we’re making it happen. If you need to get caught up you can go here
 
Edward and I have so many things to look forward to in our travels. 
 
Time away from home.
Getting to know who we really are.
Testing our boundaries.
Experiencing a whole new culture. 
 
It will be an experience of a lifetime and an experience that we will be having without our family. So over the past few months we’ve really been focusing on the move and talking it through. The biggest and most frequent conversation we have is the concerns we have about our family. 
 
 
Him:
 
Edward’s parents are quite older than my own. His parents had their first child back in 1971 and tried for more children, but his mother would’t get pregnant again until she was 37 years old; making his mother 63 and his father 65 now. So for him, there is a little more to consider about moving abroad right now. On top of their age we have to consider the fact that his father hasn’t been in good health for quite some time now, and his mothers health is also in decline. Despite all this, his grandmother is still alive and kicking at the age of 89.
 
All of that being said, is it even right for us to be considering packing up our lives and heading half way across the world? We don’t even know if we will come back to the States, but if we decided to, will they even be here when we get back? You see, for us, it won’t be worth traveling abroad if we don’t utilize the time and get as much out of it as we can. We’ve talked through it and decided that we can’t move abroad and then fly home for every little thing. So I decided it was really important to talk to Edward about how he would feel if we were abroad and something were to happen to his parents or grandmother. 
 
 
 Q&A:
 
 
 Will you resent me if someone dies in your family while we are abroad?
 
 No. I would only resent myself if we stayed for the off chance that someone dies. 
 
 
 Will we come home for every little thing? Say your dad falls again, will you want to come home for that? 
 
 If we had the means to do so, that would be one thing. If not, we would just have to make it work with whatever form of communication we have. I couldn’t blame myself if something happened to him. I might be depressed about it, but I’d know there was nothing I could have done.
 
If  either of your parents died would you want to come home to take care of the other? Would you help them out with their businesses? 
 
 As harsh as it may sound I wouldn’t move back for either reason. If something were to happen to dad then brother could help take care of mom and vice-versa. I already tell them to sell their business now, so if something we’re to happen I wouldn’t assist them any differently if we were living abroad or back home. 
 
 
Your mother is not at all happy about this idea. Are you afraid she will resent you if we move and something happens to her or your father? Or your grandmother for that fact?
 
 I know she will resent me for moving, but frankly I don’t care. I’m not trying to be mean but I hope they understand I want to live my own life and have adventures while I’m at a prime age. I love them and I will be upset if anything happens to them, but I can’t just stay here and wait for something to happen. Our relationship now is 95% over the phone; moving abroad is only going to lessen the handful of times I see them in a year. Though I do hope that the times we do see them, if any, will be bettered by our situation.  
 
 
All of this seems a bit harsh to those of you who don’t know us. But what you don’t know is that Edward talks to his mother almost ever day, sometimes more than once a day. You also wouldn’t know he has daddy issues and we’ve been working on those; Poor boy! 
 
 
 
Her: 
 
My family dynamic is quite a bit different than Edward’s, but none the less, I still have a lot to consider. No, my parents are not as old as his so I don’t have as much of a worry about something happening to them. But, none the less, I still have concerns.
 
Q&A:
 
Your mother is going through some difficulties right now. Are you okay with leaving while she’s dealing with all of that?
 
 I can’t put my life on hold for a what if. On top of that she has my sister and other family in the states that she can turn to. It’s not like she can’t call and talk to me about things, I just won’t be able to be there for her physically. All of that being said it’s not like she wouldn’t be able to come visit us. She’s never really traveled, I think it would be good for her to see the world. 
 
Speaking of your sister, is it going to be hard being away from her and Devin (nephew)?
 
 We grew up in separate households, so we’ve already experience being away from each other. Plus, she has lived on the other side of the country from me for the past four years now. It will be hard being away from her, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve had practice. As far as Devin is concerned, I think being away from him will be the hardest. He’s so young and I am afraid of missing out on the important parts of his life. I am a bit afraid that being away will keep us from being close. But just like mom they can both come and visit. 
 
 Okay so what about your dad? Are you worried about him?
 
 Well he has Donna, so he won’t be alone. I do wish he would take better care of himself, and if something were to happen to him I would be devastated. He’s my rock. But we already live states away from each other and I only see him once a year now. Plus, we’re both fiercely independent so I don’t think he’ll mind if we move.  I love my family and I will miss them, but they’ve all lead their own lives and I’ve always supported them. Now it’s time for them to support me. 
 
You can stop by next week to read about the reactions our family had when we told them about our choice to move abroad.
 
 
Would you let your family hold you back from traveling?

Comments

Kristen

My mum wasn’t a fan of me moving to the U.S. for a year, and she really wasn’t a fan of me staying. Unfortunately no matter what, somebody gets hurt. My nana is not well at the moment and it’s hard to be away from it, I feel so helpless, not that I could do anything if I was there. But I made my choice so I must deal with it!

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